...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
