I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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