After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
