Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize