Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You need a sexual gate keeper
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
