when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
