dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
A bitchslap is in order.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize