she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
