Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My bed smells like the plague
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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