So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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