hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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