a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
