hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
