she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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