My hand turned me down
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
