just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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