Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize