I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
3pm strippers are depressing
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize