it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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