break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
