She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
