I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Two words: blizzard sex
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
