I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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