mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
