Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
