I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
