you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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