A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
