The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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