dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
