i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
