Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
