Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize