It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Every concussion has its silver lining
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I need water and some morals
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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