just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
