lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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