it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
