I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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