I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
