Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
