Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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