I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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