I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
