I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Drake has all the answers
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
