Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
