I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
