Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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