i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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