i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
