Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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