I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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