I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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