You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize