Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
