we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize