I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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