Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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