I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The uberlube is also flammable
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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