I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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