My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
