my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
