so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
