so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
